It had never occurred to me I would get better, there was just this black end in sight when I thought about the future. In some way in was a forceful sort of existence in the present moment as the future really didn’t even feature.
I had been bulimic since the age of 14 and I was now 28 years old and the thought of ever being better or recovering had never entered by head! I had hidden this deep dark secret for this entire time before I even let it surface. It was so far hidden I sometimes didn’t even think I had an illness just a bad habit or had even convinced myself this was simply my norm. It was when things like having kids surfaced with my partner that I had to face some sort of reality!!
I had placed it in on a sort of pedestal, my only purpose was to keep this secret nearly secondary to the disease by the end! It was another few years before I was even able to communicate this with another soul, another 4 years to be precise before I told my best friend about the dark secret that was my eating disorder. However, from the moment I first broke the silence the road to recovery has been a rapid in comparison to the long years of silence. It’s the shame that silences us and the silence that keep the disease thriving! I want to assure you if your suffering to please talk to someone break the silence and help us all heal. Everything else will unfold then, there is work to be done once you begin to heal however that first time you get through a full day without getting sick or the first day you manage to not even think of emotionally eating is where you build your future! Breaking the silence is the first step on the path to recovery.