It can be extremely frightening and frustrating for a parent when trying to understand why their child just can’t eat. This seems to contradict everything that they take for granted about being ill, about feeling hunger, and about how they have brought their child up as a healthy individual. This is why it is really important to understand the role the eating disorder plays in your child’s life. The eating disorder, and the disordered eating behaviours that are part of it, are ways your child uses to feel safe and in control. He / she can’t just eat (at the moment) because it takes some time to re-learn how to cope with life without using the disordered eating behaviours. Through the recovery process, your child will slowly begin to eat and re-learn what feeling hungry is like and why it is ok to eat and nourish him / herself. The eating disorder works as a coping tool because it helps the person disconnect from their feelings, which also includes feeling hungry. So, the person often does not feel hungry when they are in the midst of the eating disorder. When a person starts to eat again, it can be very frightening to suddenly begin to reconnect with their feelings. This can be experienced as overwhelming. This is why it is so important not to rush or force a person to eat. They might feel so threatened that they will defend themselves by further retreating into the eating disorder.