By Audrey
Do you think it's easy to carry this weight upon my head?
Do you think it's easy to see the things I have to see?
How long do you think I can carry on being this way?
Do you really think it's easy to be me?
When my weary body falls apart
And struggles through another sleepless night,
It disintegrates and drowns In a sea of shadows with no light,
And still you expect me to fight and smile through it all,
Though it seems that I'm just falling further every day.
What make you think that I'm strong and fearless and free?
When really I can't bear to be the one you think you see,
What makes you think I wouldn't throw it all away?
Only for thoughts of those I would hurt along the way.
Suffocating under layers of grief and anguish smouldering deep inside,
So many desperate words to tell you, so many secrets to confide,
But I can't say those words out loud, see the look of pity in your eyes,
I can't do that to you because then you'll realise.
That I'm not the courageous one you seem to think I am,
That I am weak and numb within.
That you don't know what or who you're dealing with,
That you don't know everything That the kinder you are to me,
the more you'll push me away,
And the guiltier I will feel for being this way.
That I'm tired and angry and exhausted,
pretending to be someone that I'm not,
I don't wanna get up in the morning as tired as when I went to bed,
And I'm tired of living with that ache inside my head.
To close my eyes, to shut down my mind,
To sleep, to forget
To melt, to evaporate,
To wish it all away.